This Is Getting Ridiculous
by PickingViolets
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are ready to take things to the next level. Apparently the universe is not. One-shot written by request of LaylaPrecious.


AN- written by request of **LaylaPrecious**. Enjoy, my darling :)

* * *

"So, tonight?" Kurt turned at the soft voice to find Blaine on the other side of his locker. He bit his lip and blushed as he nodded. He laughed then as Blaine hopped up and down, trying to contain his excitement.

"My parents leave at seven, so maybe show up about seven-thirty, just to be safe?" Blaine reached out and took his boyfriend's hand. Kurt squeezed back lightly.

"Sure. Seven-thirty... I can't wait, Blaine." Kurt was really blushing by then, convinced that everyone who passed by could read his mind... and his mind was full of very un-Kurt-like thoughts.

Blaine leaned in to press a soft kiss to his cheek before walking away, purposely strutting just a bit. Kurt let out a tiny squeal that he hoped nobody could hear and took off in the opposite direction with a little skip to his step.

* * *

"So, your parents are gone, right?" Kurt gasped as Blaine pressed him down onto the double bed. The shorter boy laughed and looked up from where he was kissing his boyfriend's neck.

"Yes, they're gone. It's just me and you for the next..." he glanced up at the clock on the wall, "three hours." Kurt smiled.

"That should be enough I suppose." Blaine quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Gosh, I hope so. If you're expecting me to last longer than three hours my very first time having sex then we need to have a serious discussion about your expectations." Kurt laughed and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Oh, believe me. I'm certainly not going to last for three hours so I don't expect you to. I do, however, expect lots of cuddling after."

"I can definitely do that. I love cuddling!" Blaind smiled down happily and kissed Kurt back.

"Are you still up for... you know.. doing it how we... discussed?" Blaine's cheeks were bright pink and he was struggling to maintain eye contact. Kurt looked up at him, feeling a little embarrassed himself, but feeling even more grateful for how thoughtful his boyfriend was.

"Yes, I am. I-feel good about it. It's how I imagined it. I mean, I totally want to try it other ways... and everything. I just... this feels right for the first time between the two of us."

"Good," Blaine smiled. "Same here. I want to try everything too, just... this feels right."

"If it feels so right then why are we still talking," Kurt whispered seductively, or what he hoped was seductive. It must have worked. Blaine attacked him with kisses and his breath was taken away.

He opened his eyes to take in the ambiance as Blaine sucked a hickey on his neck. Kurt smiled as he ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, trying to gently loosen the hold of the two pounds of product currently residing there.

Blaine had lit candles all around the room in an attempt to be romantic. Kurt appreciated romance. The brunette sighed happily as Blaine hit that certain spot in the crook of his neck. He unintentionally thrusted his hips upward and was momentarily embarrassed. It didn't last long though as Blaine quickly thrust down and before either knew it, they were grinding together gently. Kurt could feel his face heating up at this new and intense feeling. It was one thing to feel this way when you were by yourself and all the lights were off...

"Oh my god, Blaine..."

"Oh, yes. Kurt..."

"Blaine..."

"Yes, Kurt. Feels so good."

"Um, Blaine?"

"Oh, baby. Yes..."

"No! Blaine! Oh my god!"

Blaine jerked up, realizing that this last sentence seemed out of place. He quickly took in Kurt's look of panic and turned around. His eyes grew wide at the sight of his curtains ablaze.

Both boys dove from the bed and Blaine beat the curtains with a pillow while Kurt ran down the hall and came back with the fire extinguisher, quickly yanking the pin and defeating the small flames with a single pull on the handle. Unfortunately he got Blaine too.

They stood in silence. Kurt slowly lowered the red canister to his side and Blaine held tightly to the pillow while squeezing his eyes shut, fearful of what would happen should the foam get past his lids.

"So, mood effectively ruined?" Blaine asked quietly, reaching out blindly for Kurt's hand. Kurt smiled sympathetically and took his boyfriend's searching hand, leading him to the bathroom.

"Yup, definitely ruined. Let's clean you off. You look like a horribly frosted cupcake."

* * *

"So, wanna try again, tonight?" Kurt walked nervously by his boyfriend's side as they headed to Glee practice.

It had been a week since their little mishap and he was more than ready to give it another go. Yes, they may have caught the house on fire the last time they tried to have sex, but he was a seventeen year old guy. He had needs. He looked at Blaine anxiously. His boyfriend smiled and reached for his hand.

"I'm totally up for it, baby, but we can't do it tonight. My parents will be home."

"Yes, but mine won't be," Kurt whispered. Blaine looked up with wide eyes. Um, why the hell hadn't this occurred to him before?

"Okay," he bit his lip as he glanced up at the other boy. "What time?"

"They'll be gone by six. I'll be waiting." Kurt looked steadily into his boyfriend's eyes before turning and walking away. He was wearing his tightest skinny jeans today. He pretended he didn't hear the light thump when Blaine walked into a locker. He smiled to himself.

* * *

"Oh my sweet gaga, Blaine!" Kurt gushed as he panted heavily. Blaine was pressing him up against his bedroom wall and was groping him everywhere. He felt the tiniest bit awkward at having someone, even Blaine, brush a hand against his crotch like that. It also felt fucking amazing though, so he wasn't about to stop it, especially considering what they were meant to do tonight.

Blaind sunk to his knees and fumbled with his boyfriend's belt. Kurt closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall, preparing himself for ecstasy. What he didn't expect was Blaine's voice, speaking in annoyance.

"What the frick, Kurt? How did you even get this thing on? It must have taken you, like, three hours!" Kurt opened his eyes to look down. Blaine was leaning to the side and squinting at the belt, pulling on it futilely. Kurt snickered and reached down toward the buckle.

"It's not that difficult, dummy."

"Says the man who owns every difficult to wear piece of clothing known to man. You're used to this."

"Oh my goodness, Blaine... you just move this over here..."

"This should just be a belt, Kurt, not a piece of art."

"I'm revoking your gay card. Every item of clothing has the ability to be a piece of art."

"Whatever, it's still just something to wear. It should not be this hard."

"That's what she said."

"Did you, seriously, just do a 'that's what she said' joke?"

"Oh my god, I did. That's it. I'm kicking Finn out. I've been living with that moron for too long. He's rubbing off on me."

"Um, I hope not. I'm your boyfriend. I should be the one rubbing off on you."

"Okay, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth and completely lost my erection at the same time."

"Mmmm, I can fix that," Blaine pressed his face up against Kurt's groin and placed several wet kisses over top of his jeans. Kurt melted into the wall.

"Yeah, that'll do it," he spoke in a shaky voice. He reached down to try again at undoing his belt.

"Wait," Blaine pushed his hand away. "Wait, I think I've... Fuck!"

Kurt's mouth fell open in shock. He dove to his knees as Blaine clutched his eye.

"What happened!"

"The buckle on your freaking belt jabbed me in the eye! That's what happened!"

Kurt sighed, patted his boyfriend on the shoulder and rebuckled his belt as he went to the kitchen for some ice. He returned moments later to find Blaine sprawled on the floor, still clutching his eye. He sank down next to him, handing him the ice pack.

"Do you think it got your actual eye or just the outside."

"Just the outside I think," Blaine grumbled as he winced, pressing the ice to his face. Kurt pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Come on. Let's get you checked out and make sure my artwork didn't permanently injure you."

* * *

They left the hospital an hour and a half later. Blaine was wearing a patch over his eye and looking incredibly grumpy. Kurt was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove, trying to think of something to say that would cheer his boyfriend up.

"You know," he said softly, reaching a hand across the center console to touch the other boy's knee. "You kinda look like Xander in the last few episodes of Buffy when he lost an eye and was wearing an eyepatch. I always thought he was soooo hot..."

Blaine fought hard to keep the smile from his face, but couldn't help himself and started laughing out loud. He linked his fingers with Kurt's.

"That was a valiant effort, babe. The mood is definitely ruined for the night though, and may I add, most likely until the patch comes off. I want to have equilibrium when the time comes."

Kurt sighed and pulled Blaine's hand to his lips to kiss it.

"Fair enough. I'll even promise to be incredibly inartistic next time."

* * *

"Look at this! No fire, no injuries... things are perfect!"

"Shut up! You're gonna jinx us!" Blaine laughed as Kurt playfully swatted at the back of his head and he went back to kissing his lips intently. Slowly, he ran a hand up under Kurt's shirt and couldn't help but feel a thrill when goosebumps spread over the soft skin. He ran his hand back down and outlined the waist of Kurt's jeans.

"Why don't you grab the stuff," Kurt whispered into his ear before nibbling on the lobe.

"What stuff," Blaine breathed out. Kurt stopped mid-nibble.

"The stuff." Blaine couldn't help but notice that the softness had left Kurt's voice.

"What are you talking about, babe?" Blaine regretted that sentence immediately as Kurt put on his signature bitch/death glare. The taller boy sat up suddenly, pushing his boyfriend away from him.

"I dunno, Blaine. Let's think about it. Two modern guys are wanting to have sex. What would they possibly keep on hand to make sure they were ready whenever the opportunity arose?" Blaine blushed but got immediately defensive.

"Well, why is it my job? There's two of us involved here. Why don't you have the stuff?"

"I do, honey," Kurt sighed. "At MY house. In MY drawer. Next to MY bed. For when we do things in MY room. We are currently in YOUR house..." Blaine could tell he was going to go on and on, intent on making his point, so he held his hand up and nodded his head.

"I get it. I'm sorry. I seriously don't know what I was thinking. I've thought about this nonstop lately. I don't know why it didn't occur to me." He looked over at Kurt guiltily and the brunette had pity on him and hugged him.

"I'll just take it as a compliment that you were so overcome at the thought of getting in my pants that all concern of comfort and safety left your brain. Come on. Let's go to the gas station down the street. I'm not about to admit defeat tonight."

* * *

"What kind do we get?" Blaine whispered, edging himself close so that he was pressed into Kurt's side.

"Seriously, Blaine? I had to buy this stuff before... by myself! Man up," Blaine stepped back and glared at the other boy before taking a deep breath and facing the daunting selection.

"Fine. How about..." he grabbed a couple of items from the small hooks and looked to his boyfriend for approval. Kurt smiled and started to say something when he went deathly pale and grabbed Blaine's arm, jerking them both to the floor.

"What the..." Blaine started to say but was cut off by Kurt's hand clamping over his mouth. He was close to getting really irritated when he heard a familiar voice that made him go quiet... and feel a little sick.

"Hey, man. I've got some rusty hinges on my tailgate. You got WD-40?"

Kurt and Blaine looked at each other in weak shock. What was Burt doing at a gas station by Blaine's house? They didn't have time to try and figure out the possible reasons, not that it mattered.

"Yes, sir. Right down the second aisle by the prophylactics."

"Ha! Makes you think of lubrication in a whole different way."

Kurt's eyes widened further as he glanced desperately at the selection of motor oils right next to him. He thought of grabbing a bottle and sliding it out into the main aisle across the floor. That kind of thing only worked in cartoons though.

"Ahem." Burt bit the inside of his cheek and stood still as he gazed at the two boys. They looked up at him in slow motion. Kurt still had one hand wrapped tightly over Blaine's mouth. Blaine was clutching a box of condoms and a bottle of lube on his lap. Both were crouched on the floor, looking pale and terrified. He stared them down with a blank expression.

"Son, would you mind handing me some oil? Yeah, the black one, right next to you..." Kurt swallowed hard and handed his father the oil with his free hand. Somewhere deep inside he knew that he no longer needed to clutch Blaine's face but he couldn't seem to let go. Burt took the oil without another word and went to the register. The boys sat there in shock, not really believing what had just happened. They listened to Burt pay and then the jingle of the door, indicating that he was leaving. Just as they were beginning to feel safe, they heard a shout.

"Bet you're glad I forced you to read those pamphlets now!"

Kurt buried his head in his arms and wanted to die.

Blaine stood and walked to the register. Kurt looked at him in shock and opened his mouth to say something.

"Yes, Kurt. I realize that it's not happening tonight now, but this horrible experience can't have been for nothing. I'm at least going to walk away from this prepared for next time." Kurt stared in silence before standing, taking the box of condoms and replacing them with a different brand. Blaine quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I have sensitive skin," Kurt shrugged with a blush. With that he turned and walked to the car.

* * *

"Come on Hummel! Come on Anderson! Move your butts!" Coach Bieste yelled at them from across the football field as they finished their last lap at the end of PE. Kurt rolled his eyes and picked up his pace. Blaine followed his suite and they crossed the last line together.

"That's it, boys! Good work!" The coach turned from them and started yelling at some of the other guys to make sure they washed their privates properly. Kurt and Blaine looked at each other and sighed before heading to the showers, well after everyone else. They were both decent runners and finishing last had nothing to do with their capabilities. It had everything to do with being tired of the jocks making homophobic comments or trying to trip them as they ran the track together. Soon they were alone on the field. They smiled at each other and held hands as they walked toward the school. They started to enter the gym, only to have a giant bag of kickball equipment shoved in their faces.

"Coach wants you to take care of these," one of the football players sneered. He tossed two backpacks on the ground next to them. "Here, take your bags and go home after that. We don't need you two in the showers with us." With that, the door slammed in their faces.

The boys stared at the closed door for a moment in silence. Blaine was just downright pissed and was about to make an angry comment when Kurt gently pushed the bag of equipment into his arms, stooped to grab up their backpacks and walked away toward the outdoor equipment shed. Blaine stared in shock for a moment before quickly following along.

By the time he had reached the shed, Kurt was already inside and moving a few things around so that there was a place to put the bag Blaine was carrying. The shorter boy sighed as he tossed the bag, not caring where it landed, and pulled Kurt into his arms. The brunette automatically stiffened.

"What are you doing, Blaine? I'm fine," he spoke in a tense voice and started to pull away. Blaine just held him tighter.

"I know," his voice was muffled from being buried in Kurt's neck. "I just wanna hold you for a minute. Please let me." Kurt sighed and relaxed into his boyfriend's arms, letting himself be held. He pulled away after a second and pecked Blaine on the tip of his nose, giving him a small but genuine smile. He went to the bag of equipment Blaine had dropped and started to move it to a top shelf on the opposite wall.

Blaine watched as Kurt lifted the bag over his head and tossed it into place. He saw the slim muscles in the pale arms flex and a small bead of sweat run down the side of his face. His normally perfect hair was messy and spiked at odd angles from the exercise. Blaine couldn't breathe for a moment. For some reason, his boyfriend had never looked sexier. He glanced around and saw a pile of wrestling mats in the corner. He walked to the door and locked it before going to Kurt and pulling him over to the mats.

"What are you doin-Mmmfff..." Kurt had started to laugh but quickly melted into the kiss that Blaine pressed to his lips. After a few seconds of a kiss that grew deeper and more heated until they were both breathless, Kurt pulled back and looked his boyfriend in the eye.

They knew without a doubt that this was the moment.

"Do you have..."

"In my backpack."

"We should be grateful they don't do random bag searches here at school. They'd think you were a creep."

"Shut up and kiss me, Kurt."

Kurt did.

Before they knew it they were lying on the mats, sweaty gym clothes tossed to the side.

They looked in each others eyes and moved slowly as they held one another close.

There were moments of hesitation when they were unsure of their next move. There were moments of laughter when they accidentally bumped noses or threw off the other's rhythm. There were moments of complete awe when they watched each other become flushed and breathless, knowing they were causing the one they loved to feel that way. Then, there was that final moment, when everything else in the world ceased to exist and they saw only each other. Both boys felt a little ridiculous at the tears pricking the corners of their eyes, but it was still unbelievable to both of them that they had found someone to do this with. That they had found someone to share something so beautiful in a world filled with so much wrong.

They stayed there until it started to grow dark outside, kissing soft, tiny kisses and holding each other close. When they were too cold and hungry to stay that way any longer they dressed and headed out, deciding to stop to Breadstix for some dinner. Kurt, for once, didn't care that he was still in gross and sweaty gym clothes. They slotted their fingers together and strolled happily from the equipment shed, ridiculously grateful for the idiot who had refused to let them in the showers earlier.

* * *

Blaine squatted down next to his boyfriend on the bleachers in PE the next week. Bieste was having them do some wrestling scrimages and the guys who weren't currently involved were sitting around, waiting their turn. Kurt was talking animatedly with Mike about a new dance move he wanted to learn for Glee and Mike was willingly giving him some pointers. Blaine put a hand on Kurt's arm.

"Sorry to interrupt guys," Blaine apologized. Mike shrugged with a smile, ever a man of few words.

"Kurt," Blaine spoke softly, and with an odd smile on his face. Kurt looked at him curiously. "Do you recognize the guy that Finn is in a wrestling match with right now?" Kurt glanced over to the gym floor. Sure enough, Finn had pinned down the guy who had tossed them out of the gym the other day. Kurt nodded.

"Do you recognize the mat that they're on?" Blaine spoke so softly that Kurt could barely hear him. The brunette squinted his eyes to look closely and quickly recognized the mat with the torn corner. He had a small scratch on his ass from the roughness of that little tear. He nodded with a blush.

"I just thought that it would do you good to see that idiot have his face smashed into the place where we had sex." Kurt snorted a laugh and watched as Finn thoroughly beat his opponent and was, indeed, sitting on him and creaming his face down into the mat. Blaine kissed Kurt on the top of the head and walked away with a smirk. Kurt gazed after him adoringly.

Mike watched the two with a smile. He had no idea what they were whispering about. He had focused on not listening when he realized that it sounded private. One thing was obvious though, those guys were in love. It was awfully nice to see two of the best guys he knew find someone and be happy. It made it seem like maybe there wasn't so much wrong with the world after all.


End file.
